15 April 2007

How Christians Save Darth Vader 1.2

Just a fun post from an old blog I thought I'd re-share...Slightly re-edited.
How would the different traditions of Christianity attempt to save Anakin from turing to the Dark Side of the force?
Here's my incomplete list:

Catholic - Get a universal renowned exorcist and then have Anakin say 6 Hail Marys. Ironically, six is the first number of the sign of the beast in Revelation AND the number of Star Wars movies made. Coincidence?

Baptist - Hold a rally, and raise picket signs saying, "The Dark Side leads to Hell." Make threatening phone calls to Anakin's cell phone saying that God's wrath is about to fall on him unless he votes to put Republicans in the Galactic Senate.

Evangelical Lutheran
- "We accept everyone. Dark Siders welcome!"

Presbyterian - Hold a commitee meeting to decide who will be on the committee to decide what to do with Anakin. Have a sub-committee on stand-by if the first committee fails to reach a decision. Finally, all the committee's decide that Anakin is predestined and they can't do anything about it anyway. Some decide to vote Republican. Others start a secret committee to vote Democrat.

Calvary Chapel - Hand Anakin the "Four Spiritual Laws" and say that God has created a great galactic cruiser that he can board to get him to heaven. But he needs a ticket and the only way to get that ticket is to ask Jesus. If he doesn't go to Jesus, he goes to the Black Hole in the center of the Galaxy where he will await judgment.

- Try and lay hands on him and speak in tongues. When he uses the force to throw the prayer warriors into a control console, pray louder from a distance but send the two men who have memorized the most scriptures on warfare to try again. Amidst the tongue praying arises the sound of people rebuking Palpatine and claiming that the Republicans will win the Senate. When that fails, they place 'promise' scriptures all over their dwellings and in their Speeders so they can get more faith.

Emergent- Gather together, light some candles, and pray. Decide that some, who feel the calling, will go find out what Anakin likes to do for fun. Find his "third place" and build a relationship with him. Listen intently when he talks of the power of the Dark Side over a micro-brew. Let him know that you love him no matter what and when he uses his power for evil, agree with him that evil and good are a matter of perspective. Pray the he will see the Christ in you and turn from the dark side and hunger for what you have. Put him on the worship team playing drums to help him feel part of the community.


sonja said...

hahahaha ... that's the funniest ever. I want to be part of the drum circle with beer, please.

David said...

Vader and a stout!

paul said...

classic stuff my friend!

Pete Aldin said...

David that is hilarious! I also wonder if missionaries from a planet other than Tattooine would attend Anakin's Sith training for their first term on the field at Coruscant just to learn his culture better.

David said...

Good point. That's the missional approach!